Hide and Seek

This post is based on another nightmare that I had a short time ago.

Our Black Magic has back-fired.

We are in the graveyard, breathless and ready to run.

The mausoleum door hangs open like a broken mouth, the shadowy figure standing at the entrance moans.

It's awake and it's hungry.

The house looms ahead and we bolt for the door, praying to find it unlocked.  It is.

Dark, quiet, heavy inside.  Like death.

Time is running out and we need to hide.

Six people, six hiding places.

Off we go.

I find a quiet closet in the second floor study, coats hanging in my face.

I don't know what has become of the other five, I only exist in soundless breaths, face buried in the musty coats.

Footsteps on the first floor at the entrance, floorboards creaking.  

A throaty growl that reverberates through the old house.

My heart pounds so loud and strong I am sure it will burst through my ears and betray my hiding place.

Silent tears soak into the old coats.

Into the kitchen the footsteps trail.  

Along the counter, past the sink, over to the pantry....

A blood-curdling scream drowned into gurgling silence.

One down, five to go.

I pray the beast finds a full belly before it finds me.


Sweet dreams,

~Story Siren

"Ask Not For Whom the Bell Tolls..."

....it tolls for thee, 2011!  It is with bittersweet tears that I bid 2011 a sweet adieu.  This past year has brought some wonderful and memorable experiences my way and it is at the close of an old year that I like to reflect on said experiences.  Some good, some bad, some hilarious.  It is at this time that I will share with you some hard learned lessons, the classic Do's and Don'ts in the wild and crazy world of tour guiding.

*Surgeon General's warning: NOT for the faint of heart or those without a sense of humor!

The Do's:

-Do arrive on time.  This is greatly appreciated by your local tour guide and provides us with the opportunity to answer any pre-tour questions, ie, Where is the bathroom?, How long is the tour?,  Are the homeless people zombies or just drunk?, etc.

-Do wear comfortable shoes.  Sure, your four inch heeled boots are adorable but after 20 minutes of walking, your feet with be screaming which will cause you to curse me and all of my unborn children.  Remember that you signed up for a WALKING tour and slip on those sneakers before leaving the house!

-Do go to the bathroom before the tour.  This brings us back to the first Golden Rule: arriving on time.  If you arrive early enough, I will be able to tell you where an available bathroom is located.  Don't wait until we are 45 minutes into the tour and your bladder has threatened to perform a mass exodus in your pants.  This goes double for people who claim to have a weak bladder but still insist on bringing a large beverage with them.

-Do tip.  I've discussed this topic at considerable length in some of my previous posts and it is something I feel strongly about.  If you receive a service that you are very happy with, tipping your server, hair dresser, tour guide, etc, is a gracious and classy gesture.  Tour guides are happy to accept any token of appreciation.  Aside from a few dollars, I will also be thrilled to accept a glazed ham, a few chickens, a large bag of Hershey's Kisses or a box of Brita water filters.  I'm not picky, I'm practical.

The Don'ts:

-Don't roll your eyes when you're asked to silence your cell phone.  This is common courtesy for me and for everyone else on the tour.  No one wants to hear your oh-so-cute ring tone or message alert when we are in the middle of a story.  If you're too busy with texting your bestie, then don't go on a tour.  I'm not asking you to turn your phone off, just put it on silent.   The texts and the calls can wait until the story is over.

-Don't make fun of the tour guide.  This is for all the hecklers out there.  You may think that you're being funny but mocking a person trying to do their job just makes you look like an immature, insecure, egocentric ass.  Nothing ruins a tour more than by causing people to either laugh because they are so uncomfortable or by making the other guests angry.  Remember, you paid to go on the tour, so let me do my job.

-Don't let the homeless people scare you.  They are not demons, they are not zombies and they do not want to rape you.  I shouldn't even have this on my list but alas....

-Don't forget to have fun!  This is very important.  Remember that although tours are educational, they are also meant to be lots of fun!  I have had some great times telling stories; my goal is to get you to enjoy them with me.  If you had a great time, learned a little and had some laughs, then I did my job.

This concludes my sacred lists of Do's and Don'ts.  Please pass the word along.

In closing, I will share a make-up creation that I put together for a private tour earlier this month. (see below)

The goal was to achieve a striking image of macabre beauty.  I will call this a bloody success.  

Happy New Year to you all.  I hope that this coming year brings you all the joy that your hearts desire!

Until next year, ;-)

~Story Siren

Which Witch?

Best interruption from a young guest ever:

"Miss, you look like a witch."

Normally, I love children, especially fried with a side of ketchup.  But recently I had a couple of young lads on my tour who were an absolute delight.  Both were into ghost stories and ghost hunting.  I had one hold the sacred emf detector, the other one held my lantern.  The more outspoken child sometimes forgot that questions and comments were to be saved for after the story, and this last time, he did indeed inform me that I looked like a witch.  My appearance (which is steampunk) really isn't too far from that of a witch and I took pleasure in my reply:

"What if I told you that I am a witch?"

The boy stared at me wide-eyed, mouth agape.  He said very quietly, "........no you're not......."

I thought it couldn't get any cuter until his mother chimed in with, "You better stop interrupting her or she might cast a spell on you!"

The shaky response?  ".......no she won't......"

I gave him a radiant smile and told him that my specialty was to fill the noses of precocious young boys with boogers so green and so big that even bridge trolls would struggle to dig them out.  My young guest exclaimed, "No you can't!" so I said, "Okay, let me just get my wand out of my purse.  My goodness, this magic purse just has so much in it.  Okay, here's my cauldron, my eye of newt, my black cat Francesca- hi, sweet kitty-, my broom..."

At this point I looked up and reminded him that I didn't have to pay for parking since I flew into Downtown on my broomstick.  I'm not sure which I enjoyed more:  the expression on the boy's face or watching his parents trying to not laugh.

The search for the wand continued.

"Let's see, where did I put it?  Oh, there's that fairy dust I've been looking for!  And here's my wand..."  I looked up and smiled.  "You know what, this time I'll let you off with a warning.  No boogers for now, as long as you remember to not talk during the story."

I would be lying if I said that he didn't look relieved.

Did I really look that scary?  I feel that I've looked witchier on other nights.  Observe my look for the night and decide for yourself.  (see below)

Okay, now that I'm looking at it again, I realize that I did put a mole on that night.....

What can I say?  Kids call us out of stuff that we think no one else will even notice.  I loved entertaining those boys and I love my guests.  There's always something new to learn and improve.  Like parking.  If I really could get one of those broomsticks.....


Until next time,

~Story Siren