Which Witch?

Best interruption from a young guest ever:

"Miss, you look like a witch."

Normally, I love children, especially fried with a side of ketchup.  But recently I had a couple of young lads on my tour who were an absolute delight.  Both were into ghost stories and ghost hunting.  I had one hold the sacred emf detector, the other one held my lantern.  The more outspoken child sometimes forgot that questions and comments were to be saved for after the story, and this last time, he did indeed inform me that I looked like a witch.  My appearance (which is steampunk) really isn't too far from that of a witch and I took pleasure in my reply:

"What if I told you that I am a witch?"

The boy stared at me wide-eyed, mouth agape.  He said very quietly, "........no you're not......."

I thought it couldn't get any cuter until his mother chimed in with, "You better stop interrupting her or she might cast a spell on you!"

The shaky response?  ".......no she won't......"

I gave him a radiant smile and told him that my specialty was to fill the noses of precocious young boys with boogers so green and so big that even bridge trolls would struggle to dig them out.  My young guest exclaimed, "No you can't!" so I said, "Okay, let me just get my wand out of my purse.  My goodness, this magic purse just has so much in it.  Okay, here's my cauldron, my eye of newt, my black cat Francesca- hi, sweet kitty-, my broom..."

At this point I looked up and reminded him that I didn't have to pay for parking since I flew into Downtown on my broomstick.  I'm not sure which I enjoyed more:  the expression on the boy's face or watching his parents trying to not laugh.

The search for the wand continued.

"Let's see, where did I put it?  Oh, there's that fairy dust I've been looking for!  And here's my wand..."  I looked up and smiled.  "You know what, this time I'll let you off with a warning.  No boogers for now, as long as you remember to not talk during the story."

I would be lying if I said that he didn't look relieved.

Did I really look that scary?  I feel that I've looked witchier on other nights.  Observe my look for the night and decide for yourself.  (see below)

Okay, now that I'm looking at it again, I realize that I did put a mole on that night.....

What can I say?  Kids call us out of stuff that we think no one else will even notice.  I loved entertaining those boys and I love my guests.  There's always something new to learn and improve.  Like parking.  If I really could get one of those broomsticks.....


Until next time,

~Story Siren

Laughter in the Dark

I recently worked a paranormal slumber party.  It was great fun; scary stories, ghost hunting, a seance, a visit to a cemetery and a 1am trip to an all-night diner for breakfast in our pajamas.  As I've mentioned before, storytelling is a great passion of mine.  I love everything about it- the candle lit ambiance, the wide eyes, the stilled breath held in anticipation- all for the sake of a good old fashioned scare. 

The stories I love to share the best are not the ones with a bone chilling ending; they are the ones that start out scary and provide an unexpectedly funny ending.  The darkened room then becomes filled with relieved laughter and candle lit grins.  Laughter is a little something that I try to include in my tours or any event that I work.  It's great to scare and thrill a group of people but I always like to leave them smiling. 

This especially applies to my ghost tours; the stories can be a bit history dense so I take any and all opportunities to give the history a few amusing twists.  And let us all remember- sometimes ghosts can be funny, too. 

Tonight, while walking down the street with a ghost radar detector, my group of brave thrill seekers passed a ferocious barking chihuahua who clearly would have ripped our ankles to shreds were it not for his leash.  The radar emitted two words, "Loud.  Mean."  Later on in the evening it said my name and the word "smile".  Sometimes the dead can chill us, make us laugh and touch our hearts. 

Amusing dead people aside, I also encounter many living souls who unwittingly provide some great entertainment.  I have witnessed a streaker, fighting couples who insult each other at a fifth grade level and obnoxious people having very loud and private conversations on their phone.  My favorite, however, is the drunk man who came up to interrupt my group four times to ask for a cigarette.  This man was clever; instead of coming up to me four different times as the same person, he approached me four times with a slightly altered appearance and voice.  This is how it went:

-Encounter number one-

Drunk man: Miss, do you have a smoke?

Me: No, sorry, I don't smoke.

Drunk man: Okay.

-Encounter number two-

Drunk man with a hat and higher voice: Ma'am, can I bum a cigarette off you?

Me: No, sorry, I don't smoke.

Drunk man with a hat and higher voice: Okay, sorry to bother you.

-Encounter number three-

Drunk man with hat on backwards and deep voice: Hey, uh, miss, do you have any cigarettes?

Me: No, sorry, I don't smoke.

Drunk man with hat on backwards and deep voice: That's cool.

-Encounter number four-

Drunk man with popped collar and southern accent: Miss, do you have any cigarettes?

Me: Let me get my phone.  It looks like I'll have to call the police again.

Drunk man with popped collar and southern accent: (walks away)

                     *********************

Harmless, memorable and great source of laughter for my group.  If I can leave my group having scared them and made them laugh at least once I consider it a night well spent.


Until next time,

~Story Siren

Orbs and Things That Bump Back

My group tonight was....memorable.  It was mixed, which I prefer; getting skeptics in my group is always a fun thing because I love turning them to the Dark Side!  I had one lady who volunteered to wield my handy EMF detector but refused to turn it on.  She said that if we did come into contact with supernatural energy, she didn't want to know about it.  This went on until one of her friends snatched it away and spent the rest of the night happily searching for beeps and flashes.  It was particularly funny when I took a group picture during the tour and found that my fearful guest was surrounded by orbs!  Ghosts can be funny that way. 

My look for the evening was inspired by the brilliant Lady Gaga.  (see below)

This is just like Lady Gaga....if she didn't have a team of make-up artists with steady hands and had to use drug-store eye-liner. 

Although I love getting mixed groups, sometimes it's hard to get a read on a few of my guests. Some of them are very open with their emotions, whether they are having a great time or they're bored out of their skulls.  A brilliant smile or rolled eyes are very easy to decipher.  There are also people who have facial expressions that read, "Go on, impress me."  I always enjoy a challenge.  The guests that are the most difficult to entertain are the ones who have what I call the Thousand Yard Stare. 

These guests are always hard to read; they stare at me, through me, they see nothing and they see everything.  They have a dead pan expression and eyes that are soul-piercing and lifeless.  It's a little creepy.  I had such a person in my group tonight.  No facial expression, no questions, no laughter, nothing.  There was no indication that this person was even listening to me.  For all I know he could have spent the whole evening singing the Meow Mix jingle in his head.  Apparently, this person did have a good time, since he shook my hand and thanked me when the tour was over.  You never know....

It's always great fun when I have guests who scare easily.  I make sure to comfort them and let them know that I don't have people hidden in the bushes to jump out at them and yell "Boo!"  I warn them that my odd appearance might draw some unwanted attention from passerby.  My guests have nothing to fear; if anyone tries to bother us I immediately go into Animal Kingdom Mode and assume an aggressive alpha position. 
(see below)

It usually works very well.  I'll pretty much go to any lengths to make sure that my guests feel safe and have a great time.  It's always a great adventure when we search for things that go bump in the night.  Every once in a while, we get to bump back.  

Until next time,

~Story Siren

Laughter and Gin

A Happy November to you all!

Tonight I had the great pleasure of guiding a mixed group of brave individuals through the haunted streets of Downtown Tampa.  A mixed group consists of people who are seasoned ghost tour consumers and novice ghost tour attendees.  I love getting newbies!  It's fun to watch them experience every aspect of touring and hunting for the first time. 

There was one set of plucky young ladies who volunteered to commandeer my handy EMF detector.  Every beep of the machine gave them new waves of excitement. 

My look for the night was relatively simple.  I call it Evil Disney Queen.  (see below)

I guess this would be the Evil Queen from Snow White meets Maleificent.  I hope to one day be as fabulous as either of them.  

After the touring and ghost hunting was over, I was invited to drinks by the plucky fair maidens who had bravely wielded my EMF detector.  I don't normally do this, but for these young ladies I made an exception.

We made our way to a nearby pub and shared more stories over drinks.  Amidst the shouting and screaming at the tv over the -insert local sports team- game, the ladies listened while I told them some stories that are not on the tour, extra goodies that I rarely get to share.

These stories are not for the faint of heart; I'm afraid I may have robbed them of a good night's sleep.  We talked about urban legends, ghosts stories from other countries, EMF and EVP hunting and the three types of hauntings.  

For anyone that doesn't know, the three types of hauntings are: residual (left-over energy), intelligent (conscious energy) and demonic (inhuman and evil).   This is a bit intense so I will rant about that another time.

The evening was wonderful!  Great company, beautiful weather, stiff drinks.  What more could a lady ask for?

It's nights such as these that make me appreciate and love what I do for a living.  I am proud to be a siren who sings for her supper.  

Until next time,

~Story Siren

 

When Douchebags Strike

This will not be artistic.  This will not be elegant.  This is the simple act of venting.

I love being a performer and a storyteller.  The adrenaline rush, the connection with people, the improvising of details so they may be tailor-fitted to a specific crowd; I love it all.  But no job is perfect.  With all pleasure comes vicious and intense pain.  There are blase' crowds, poor tippers and uncomfortable work conditions.  Those are all irritating but familiar.  It's only every once in a while that a performer gets to have in their crowd a troller, a heckler, a much dreaded and much heard of bona fide douchebag. 

Ah, the douchebag!  These are people who have difficulty behaving like adults when the focus isn't on them because they don't know how to use their big-boy manners.  Douchebags are under the impression that they are funny.  Douchebags try to make make their lives seem less sad, empty and loveless by bringing down the person who is trying to perform for a living. 

To all the douchebags out there: You are NOT entertaining, cute or clever.  If people laugh at your jokes, it's only because you have succeeded in making the atmosphere so thick with tension that they have to titter nervously to break out of the thick vat of awkward you have created. 

I try to be gracious when I am bestowed with such a douchebag.  I usually disarm them by acting like I don't hear them or their little comments.  And I do not EVER under any circumstances get angry- this gives the douchebag all of the power and focus which is what he wants to begin with.  They are after all, just children masquerading as men.  I look directly into their vain, shallow eyes and smile. 

Unless they call me sweetheart.

To all douchebags out there:  I am not your sweetheart. 

Go ahead, ignore me and text on your phone, loudly talk to your friends, roll your eyes, make faces at the crowd, mimic me and show the world what a childish, arrogant clown you are.  Although you are vehemently loathed, you are also pitied. 

It comforts me to know that while I am warm and comfortable in my lovely home, the douchebag I encountered tonight is alone with only his overcompensating ego to hold him and keep him warm all through the long and cold night. 

In all honesty, I look forward to the day that our paths may cross once again.  I will smile, shake his hand and tell him there are no hard feelings, sweetheart.


Until next time,

~Story Siren

The Rude, The Lewd and The Crude

One of the many things I love about my job is that you never know what type of people you may encounter while on the tour.  I've had a homeless man sing opera in Italian, German and French to me, I've had people who were not even on the tour ask to have their picture taken with me, people have brought me hot chocolate during the chilly months and iced tea during the hot months.  And I've had countless people shout from from across the street that they approve of my fabulous hat.  Good times overall.

Then there are the few individuals that make my tours unpleasantly memorable.  The ones who walk across the street to get away from me (I do sometimes look pretty ghastly!),  the ones who make fun of my fabulous hat, and my favorite, the ones who try to follow along with my group halfway into the tour and try to hear the stories for free.  This has been attempted several times and no one has been successful because I have this thing called vision, and I can do this weird thing called counting.  I know who starts the tour with me- I make eye contact, I learn their names and I shake their hands.  I'll let the intruders linger for a few minutes, then stop the story and very nicely inform them that if they go online to -insert website- they can have their own tour set up.  At this point the intruder has one of several reactions:

1- "Pshhhh, whatever." And walks away.

2- "Why can't I just stay and watch yours?"

3- "Your story was lame anyway."

4- "#@$%&*!"

None of these people bother me and they serve as extra entertainment for my brave thrill-seekers. 

Tonight, however, I had a whole new experience of weird that bears telling.  The evening started with a rather ghoulish make-up design and my fabulous hat. (see below)

I call this look "Blood is Yummy". 

I had fun with it and was excited to troll the streets with my new design.  The night was great and my guests were a delight.  Then we get to the haunted book store, one of my favorite stops.  I have my back to the store so that my guests can look at me and see the store while I tell the creepy story.  I'm just getting to one of the juicy moments when two drunk guys walk around the corner in our direction.  As they pass us, one of them turns, sees me, and when he's no less than ten feet away he hollers to his friend,

"Oh my GOD!  Did you see that f*$#@*g bitch's face?!  She is UGLY!" 

After saying this loud enough for everyone on the street to hear, they both turn to look at me.  My group is collectively holding their breath, waiting to see what would happen next.  I very lovingly blow a kiss to both men and wave good-bye.  I then confide to my group that men are often frightened when they are inexplicably attracted to something, such as me. My group was awesome!  One guy said to me and the others that both of those guys have very bad karma coming their way.  One of the girls said, "They're just jealous." 
Even negative things often have a way of blossoming into something positive.

In the end, it's all in good fun and it makes for a very interesting night. 

Until next time,

~Story Siren

Call of the Ginger Siren!

In Florida, we rarely have cold fronts, especially during the fall.  We have cool fronts.  This is a special and magical time when the fairies dance, the children sing, the dog licks the mailman and going outside becomes an absolute joy.  I've seen it happen; there is a spring in the step of passersby and people are more friendly and less likely to complain if they have to wait in line.  People are also more likely to tip....

My painful stint of penniless thrill-seekers took the night off!  I had a group of 17 and they were so fun, laid-back and quick to ask really insightful questions.  Perhaps they vibed well with the sassy, ginger vixen that was their tour guide.  (see below)

The tour was great, we found some energy readings with my handy EMF detector and I got to tell all the stories plus a few extra.  I love getting to tell the extra, unscheduled  stories!  It helps me to connect more with my groups.  Through haunted theatres, burial grounds and long-forgotten graveyards we marched.  I came home feeling quite invigorated and playful.  (see ginger siren below)

How could you not love a face like that?  No, seriously, how?  I'm still trying to find new ideas to improve my make-up skills.   

It's nights such as these that make me happy to be a Floridian, a story teller, a tour guide, a girlfriend, a writer, a pet owner and an artist.  As many people can tell you, being any of those things isn't easy all the time.  It's moments and days such as these that make me revel in being who I am.

Best to you all!

Until next time,

~Story Siren